Self-reminder: don’t be angry, bitter, or resentful for the obstacles and hardships that have been placed on your path. Work through them, and be grateful you’re able to overcome them.
Why did today have to be a day when I wake up feeling so miserable?
I’m starting to see how exhausting it is to keep my private life from my parents. I’m tired of having to lie to them - though I feel as if my situation is a little different. I don’t feel bad for keeping things from them, or for lying, I’m just tired of having to do it (unless this is what every other closeted friend I had was referring to).
I’m coming out to my mom soon (already out to dad, but neither know about my having a boyfriend). Dunno when, dunno how. But its happening.
I’m tired of beating around the bush. Its too much god damn effort, and I’m tired of trying to make it easy on them when its not something that’s gonna go away. I’ve tried to deal with it myself, and that took up 7 years of my life - that’s seven years lost to senseless guilt over nothing.
I’m finally starting to accept myself and damn it if they’re gonna undermine that. I may hate myself any day of the week, but I feel like I’ve finally started to come out of my shell, and whether or not they’re comfortable with my sexuality or my adult decisions is their problem, not mine.
So that’s enough of the bullshit. I’ve already dealt with it on my time; I’m okay now. If they’re not cool with my openness, or with my relationship with Alex, then fine - they don’t have to be. But they can deal with it on their own time, because I refuse to swallow my pride any longer.
I really just lost two fucking pages worth of work on this paper.
fuck me. I really feel like crying rn. cause I feel like crying > writing this paper tbh
I feel like a sponge - I’m absorbing sounds, emotions, and experiences from everything around me right now, and I’m both excited and scared because I really want to channel all that into my music.
Bow Down - The reason I put out Bow Down is because I woke up, I went into the studio, I had a chant in my head. It was aggressive, it was angry. It wasn’t the Beyoncé that wakes up every morning, it was the Beyoncé that was angry, it was the Beyoncé that felt the need to defend herself and I listened to it after I finished and I said..
"this is hot!" imma put it out. I’m not gon’ sell it, imma just put it out. People like it? Great. They don’t, they don’t and I won’t do it everyday because that’s not who I am but I feel strong and anyone that says “oh that is disrespectful” Just imagine the person that hates you. Imagine the person that doesn’t believe in you and look in the mirror and say bow down bitch and I guarantee you’ll feel gangsta.
I think I’ll keep him.
I actually really miss that performance. It was so much work just to get my voice up there to those high notes, but it all paid off. There’s nothing like paying tribute to Queen by performing one of their greatest hits (I also liked all the attention being on me. Hah. Hooray for lead roles!).
"Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?" 👨 #tbt #bohemianrhapsody #queen
This always manages to put a smile on my face. Thank you for the kind words.<3
I need to have a good cry.